Building a Safe and Supportive Community for all Alaska Children and Youth
Written by Alaska Children’s Trust with help from guest author Justin Dickens and with integrated quotes from Sierra Moskios of Homer R.E.C. Room, parents, and LGBTQ+ youth
Alaska’s pre-teens and teenagers have varying personalities, different likes and dislikes, and an assortment of abilities, differences that make them special and unique. But one thing they all share in common, is the need to feel welcomed by their community. Being a part of an open and supportive community is one of the most powerful protective factors - characteristics associated with a lower likelihood of negative outcomes or that reduce a risk factor's impact. Whether community means your extended family, your basketball team, the crew you go fishing with, the whole of a village or region, or your neighbors in a cul-de-sac, everyone thrives when they’re accepted and shown love, care, and camaraderie.
Unfortunately, for too many of our youth, when they come out as LGBTQ+ they become disconnected or pushed away by their communities, their friends, and even their closest supports, like their families. Even when parents and friends are supportive, it can be difficult for youth to feel comfortable being their authentic selves because of stigma, and when coming out is met with lack of acceptance, or worse, abandonment (nationally, 40% of LGBTQ+ youth that come out to their family are forced to leave), it can be traumatic for anyone, especially a young person.
Alaska Children’s Trust strives to ensure that all Alaska youth grow up safe and have the opportunity to go through childhood and young adulthood without toxic stress and traumatic events that lead to outcomes like experiencing homelessness, not graduating, or feeling like suicide is the only viable option. We recognize that for some, it is hard to create open and supportive space for youth that identify as LGBTQ+. We know that some feel it is a choice to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
We know parents can struggle with being supportive when their beliefs and their love for their child are in conflict. As we join the world in celebrating Pride month, we wanted to share some thoughts and resources to help parents and community members struggling with this internal conflict so we can ensure Alaska’s youth see bright outcomes.
”When our child first came out, they told us at the dinner table. Blurted it out after a "How was your day?" question. We have always tried to create an environment where our kids feel loved and supported and even then they were scared. I think the most important advice for parents whose kids are LGBTQIA2S+ (learn more about this abbreviation by clicking on it) I can give is to acknowledge their bravery, support healthy choices- even if they aren't what YOU would choose, and to do as much learning as you possibly can. Learn why pronouns are important, learn LGBT history, ask healthcare providers and community leaders questions. Be passionate about their wellbeing.” - Jill, Alaska parent
Alaska Children’s Trust and Identity (a local non-profit focused on Alaska’s LGBTQ+ community) want you to know how significant your support can be to LGBTQ+ youth in your life – it can literally save lives. Identity staff have the pleasure of seeing the daily positive impact of supportive parents and families when they work with youth, so they invited the youth they work with to share just how valuable adult support is. We know that no matter if that adult is a parent, teacher, or coach, the presence of affirming, caring adults in youth lives leads to better outcomes.
One of the teens, a fourteen-year-old trans youth, said, “When I first found out my parents were supportive of my identity, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Before I told them, even simple communication of how I was feeling was made difficult. It seemed to me like there was a brick wall between us. That's why I think being open about your support for LGBTQ+ people is really important. It lets queer people know they can approach you without the fear of being judged or exiled. Even though my parents don't understand everything yet, their efforts mean so much to me and I appreciate everything they've done for me so far. I don't know what I'd be without their support .”
But what does that support look like? How can a parent, caregiver, or afterschool provider show that they care?
Here are 5 ways to support LGBTQ+ youth:
1) Accept Them: LGBTQ+ youth who report having at least one accepting adult are 40% less likely to have reported a suicide attempt in the past year. Be kind, compassionate, and accepting of all youth in your life. Let them know (both verbally and pay attention to your own body language) that they can be their authentic self with you and never need to be afraid to show or share who they are.
2) Use Their Pronouns: Homer R.E.C. Room Program Coordinator Sierra Moskios says that her biggest piece of advice in making a space safe and inclusive is to ask kids and youth about their pronouns. One actionable way to show support and knowledge of pronouns that Sierra recommends to other afterschool providers is “if you have nametags in your program or at the school and you can include your own pronouns, I think that’s huge. So, if the teen themselves doesn’t want to disclose their pronouns at that time it still opens the space for later conversation and let’s them know that you know what pronouns are and are supportive. I think that that’s a huge, indirect symbol that you are queer affirming and accepting.” Do you know what pronouns are? Learn more about pronouns and their importance here.
3) Talk Openly and Create Space: Whether you’re a parent, coach, uncle, or babysitter, it’s important to listen when kids and youth are ready to talk. Gender identity and sexual orientation can be difficult to verbalize - even to understand internally. Be a listening ear. Show them you care. Parents like Christina, a member of the Facebook group Queer Happenings, found ways to connect with their child when they came out. Christina said “I’m not good with words but my LGBTQ+ child talked to me about how she felt when she was ready. For all our children we openly talk about equality- I think this has been a major impact on our children feeling safe to tell us things about their feelings/identities/life. LGBTQ+ or not parents should have open communication with their kiddos.”
4) Show Them Success Stories: Negative images and portrayals of LGBTQ+ people can leave a lasting and harmful impact on youth. In order to raise healthy, accepting, and kind children and youth, we need to be intentional about the examples that children see. Make sure your kids, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, are exposed to success stories in the books, movies, and TV shows they watch. Take time to watch movies with gender fluid, transgender, and gay characters. This can give kids a chance to talk about their own feelings and have someone to relate to. Be intentional with your selections- make sure to include BIPOC (Black Indigenous people of color) LGBTQ+ stories and their important role in the gay and transgender rights movements.
5) Learn and Help Them Connect: Sierra Moskios added that “Everyday we (the team at the Homer REC Room) work to be more inclusive and affirming to queer youth - what we do, how we talk, what we say, and what and how we teach. I think all of the youth program staff make a conscious effort to be affirming and make sure we're on the same page.” Sierra also recommends being open to learning and changing terminology over time, as this is a process and there is new language as time passes. We also recommend helping your child connect to a community of peers. LGBTQ+ youth who had access to spaces that affirmed their sexual orientation and gender identity reported lower rates of depression and suicide. Check out some of the following resources to see what is happening in the LGBTQ+ community in Alaska and stay informed about how best to support youth.
PFLAG - which has a chapter in Alaska that you can find contact information for here
Choosing our Roots - helping and addressing LGBTQ+ youth who are experiencing homelessness
The Trevor Project - check out the newest educational resources from this nationwide leading organization for LGBTQ+ rights
Gender Cool - has lots of youth stories!
Accepting youth and helping them build a supportive community protects them from traumatic stress, preventing adverse childhood experiences and builds stronger Alaskans. As Pride Month winds to a close, draw strength from these stories and examples, welcome in the energy of the month, and join us in continually deepening our ability to accept, love, and empower the LGBTQ+ youth in our lives.
If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact the Youth Program Manager at Identity at ypmanager@identityinc.org or Sierra Moskios at recroom@kbfpc.org
